He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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