Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
