Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Actions speak louder than pants.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
