sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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