Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My ass is underappreciated
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
