Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize