Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
