The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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