dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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