I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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