Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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