Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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