Screwed.edu
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
