she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
