CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
