My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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