get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize