Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
