thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
