I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
