I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
