Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
