im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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