Duck Duck Cougar?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
