we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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