You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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