This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
