Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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