I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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