Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
