his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
