Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize