just survived the first fart of the relationship.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
