There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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