What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
