Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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