I seem to have left my pride at pride
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Randomize
