Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
