i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You made out with two different species that night
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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