I cockslap morals
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize