I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
