his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
