I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
