I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
