Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
