she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
