Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
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