Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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