Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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