if i died would you start the facebook group?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
