physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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