Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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