Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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