Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
