12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize