I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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