Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My dick has a subreddit
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize