I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
