uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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