I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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