we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
