I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
