I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
