she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
