I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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