You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
