I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
