i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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