This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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