i love accidental penises.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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