Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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