He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
