When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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