my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
