Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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