The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
