omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
