I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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