his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
